Saturday, 25 May 2013

Generation 7, Chapter 27 : Gemma, don't cry... Please don't cry.

Slight nudity in this post... (Nothing sexual or of that any sort)

It's been a few months since Jonah passed away and thing haven't gotten even the slightest better, if I'm honest. Loosing a child is one of the most heart-breaking things to experience; the shock of finding him there... lifeless was bad enough... until it came to the funeral. Gemma was in such a state that I was left to plan my dead son's funeral all by myself.

However, for some reason I somehow, deep down, felt... a sense of guilt. I constantly thought day after day, I could of done something. If I checked on him earlier he may of not died. If he had his own room none of this would of happened.

Gemma almost shut herself down after the funeral. Day in day out, she would come out of our bedroom, get something to eat and go right back in, back to bed. She would occasionally come out go to the the toilet as well. She's also let herself ago, not caring one inch about her appearance...

''Gemma...?'' I asked, sighing as she didn't replied. ''Gemma, are you awake?''

''Yes, I am, Robin.'' She said, firmly, yet stuttering slightly as she moved her tattered hair from her face.

''Gemma don't you think it's time you have a bath, clean your teeth, you know... fix up...?'' I asked her.

''And Robin, isn't it time you go and mind your own damn business.'' She replied, sniffling and turning away from me.

''Daddy!'' Rose said, barging through the door and sitting in front of our bed. Her bright face lit up with enthusiasm which was something good to rely on with the gloomy atmosphere in our house. Rose clearly had some idea what was going on and clearly missed her brother, yet she somehow remained happy throughout all of this, mos probably because she's still young and wasn't aware of the whole situation...

''Rose just came in you know, Gemma... she really want's to play with you...'' I said to Gemma, looking down to rose and giving her a smile.

''Tell her I'm asleep.'' She replied.

''I know you're not asleep mummy, I just heard you talk!'' Rose butted in, quickly. Gemma sighed and sat up right.

''Rose isn't dumb you know, Gemma.'' I said, grunting as I got up and picked up Rose. '' Looks like mummy's telling a little fibs huh Rosey Pose!'' I replied to her, tickling her. ''Yeah, she is!''

Gemma began to cry softly as she slumped her forehead into her hands. Drops of tears came running down her palms and onto her legs and she continued to sigh.

''Oh Gemma, please don't cry. Rose doesn't like to see you cry.'' Rose whimpered and stretched er hand out to stroke her mum's hair. ''Mummy please don't cry, be strong like daddy is!''

She suddenly shook her head and Rose pulled her hand away. ''I need a bath. Now.'' Gemma said, rushing towards the archway, sniffling at the same time.

''Okay Gem, I'll go and put Rose to bed; Rose, say goodnight to mummy!'' I said to both of them.

''Goodnight mummy! Please cheer up tomorrow!'' Rose said to Gemma. She never replied, instead looked at her and began to cry even more as she continued to walk into the bathroom.

Gemma's point of view

I couldn't help but feel guilty for my little man's death. I continued to tell myself it was all my fault, and I should of died instead of him.

Then there's Robin, constantly telling me to pull myself together, and in some way he was right...

...I had let myself go. To be honest I just couldn't handle life anymore. I gave up on my garden, leaving every little leaf to whittle to it's death.. just like my baby boy did. What hurt me the most was the fact that even seeing my own five other children made me.. angry and annoyed. I felt like Jonah was the only person I was given to protect and I failed to do that.

Drip; Drop. The little droplets of cold water ran down my chilled spine as I sat in a cold bath of water... in complete silence. From what I knew the children were in bed and Robin went to put Rose to bed which left me to be by myself.

''Jonah, I'm sorry.''

''If you can hear me up in heaven, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to die. I never should of took that bloody nap in the first place! Or maybe you were hungry, I should of fed you before I put you down for your nap.''

''Honestly Jonah I'd do anything to swap our positions right now.. .honestly.''

''You deserve to be alive right now, being loved me everyone... unlike me.''

''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.''

Robin's Point of view

I heard Gemma talking to herself in the bathroom and I couldn't help but burst in.

''...Who are you talking to, Gemma?'' I asked her. She looked at me with a face full of hate and covered up her body.

''For god sake Robin, knock next time!''

''I'm sorry, I just wanted to know who you -.''

Just stopped me, got out of the bath and quickly put the same clothes she had on previously back on.

''None of your business! I'm sick of you telling to pull myself together Robin! Do you even know the slightest amount of emotions running through me right now? No.'' She spat out, with so much energy and feeling.

''...Y-Yes I do Gemma, he was my son too...'' I said, crying slightly as what she said hurt me. I sniffled and looked back up at her.

''Your a mother, I know. A mother loosing the child whom they birthed must hurt... But I feel the pain too you know; Going to bed every night regretting everything I didn't do that day and feeling guilty that I could of done more. You aren't the only one who feels this gut wrenching feeling side you, you know.'' I replied, firmly.

''I was his mother, Robin! The one who was supposed to protect him forever and I didn't... what use am I now!? Gemma screamed out, kicking the bathroom door open and running out.

''Wait!? Gemma, wait!?'' By time I starting chasing her she was already down the stair, heading out the door.

Just as I was about to bolt down the stairs Ceallach came running out of his room.

''Where are you doing dad!? Why did mum just run down the stairs?'' He asked, looking very worried.

I turned around to him and sighed. ''Listen Ceallach, mum's in a bit really bad state right now... I'm counting on you to look after your siblings for a little while, while I go and get her back. Is this alright?'' I asked him.

''Yeah, I'l look after them dad, just please maker sure mum is okay for me, please?''

''I'll try son, I'll try.''

--Gemma's point of view--

I just didn't know what to do anymore. My life just didn't make any sense anymore. I had already had enough past events to put a damper on my life but my loosing own baby tipped me off the edge.

I continued to trek through the rain, barefooted, sobbing loudly as I continued to be beaten down by the rainy storm above me.

It wasn't long before I found myself at the top of a cliff-edge. I looked to my right and saw the bustling, bright city side of St. Claire. Then I looked to my left and saw the rural, countryside of St. Claire and looked up at the sky and there was one cloud which stood out in front of the the other stormy clouds and for some weird reason... it made me think of Jonah.

''Jonah... if you can hear me in this rain, I'm coming for you... tonight. Tonight you'll see your mummy again and we can live happily together... in heaven.''

Right there and then, I decided... the only way to kill my guilt was to kill myself... to see my baby boy again in heaven.

--Robin's point of view--

I desperately looked hours and hours for Gemma, from driving all around to city to walking up through the mountains in the countryside.

''Gemma, Gemma!?'' I called out, echoing my voice to project it more.

''I'm up here.'' I heard Gemma say rather faintly as she was on a cliff edge above me. I heard her continue to sniffle as I ran up the mountain.

''Gemma, what the hell are you doing up here?'' I said, out of breath. I shook my head, trying to get most of the rain water out of it but it wasn't any use.

''Just leave me alone. I'm going to be with my baby boy!'' She said, jumping up suddenly.

''Gemma please, I am begging you... don't do anything you'll regret, please.'' I said, slowly walking towards her.

''But why Robin, why!? It's not like I have any use on this Earth now, I've got one more chance up in heaven to protect my baby... I need to take it....'' She said, stuttering slightly.

''And what about your other five children huh? Ceallach, Stella, Cade, Raegan and Rose, they're all at home waiting for their mummy to walk back through the door. They know you're not perfect, but you're their mum as well. You're also right, I don't know how it feels for a mother to loose her own child, but for one I know some sort of that feeling. Seeing Jonah dead in his crib, shocked me... back into reality. It showed me just how much we should appreciate the most precious things in life, our children. We both have issues and we're both not perfect, but we can get through this together.''

She suddenly broke into my arms, crying and pulling me in even tighter.

''Gemma, don't cry... please don't cry. Pull yourself together, for me, for your children... for Jonah.''

''I will Robin, I will.'' She replied, sobbing loudly in my arms.


It came to my attention that our grief couldn't just heal at the snap of a finger, it would take a long time. We've all lost a part of us but we had to pull together in order to stay strong.

Most importantly, for our little son looking down at us in heaven.


Thank you for reading Chapter 27 of The Cronwell Legacy! Please read & comment and I'll be sure to reply!

Thanks, :)

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Generation 7, Chapter 26 : Goodbye little man.

** Continuing from the previous chapter...**

''W-...What? What do you mean he's d-dead... H-he can't... h-he can't.... h-he can't be dead!'' I almost managed to even stutter out. I hear Gemma continue to sob in complete distress as I bolted over to Jonah's crib. I took one more look at him and again tried desperately to revive him. My mum taught me basic CPR steps but my brain literally just froze in time and all it was telling me to do was save my baby boy.

Then I tried again. But this time more quicker, pushing slightly harder on his little chest and blowing small puffs of air into his mouth, constantly checking for a pulse on his little wrist... but there wasn't one.

Not too long after Stella and Ceallach bursted through the doors after hearing Gemma cry very loudly.

''Mum, dad, what's wrong!?'' Ceallach said, breathing heavily after running straight up. ''Are you guys alright!?'' Stella soon said, as she arrived, breathless behind Ceallach.

I looked at Gemma's distraught face and she slowly looked back at me. Just as I was about to explain she tried... at least.

''S-Stella..C-Ceallach... Your baby brother i-is... I-is...'' She just couldn't find the words to say, an instead broke down once again in tears.

As I tried my best to stop her from collapsing to the ground in tears, I held Gemma tight and began to cry again myself. ''Stella, Ceallach... your baby brother's... D-dead.''

''...W-what?'' Ceallach said, as his voice cracked up with sadness. ''What do mean my b-baby brother's dead...?'' He continued to ask. Gemma was still in tears and Stella froze, staring idly at Jonah, who was ever so still.

''H-How did this happen!?'' Ceallach added, moving closer... slowly towards Jonah's crib. He looked down and gasped in horror at the sight of his little brother ...dead.

''Oh my god.'' He said once more, covering his mouth as tars ran pass them.

''How did this happen mum; dad?'' Stella soon asked. She began to cry soon after and I told Ceallach to hold his mother while I went over to hug her.

''Don't cry Stell Bell, please don't cry.'' I said, trying to comfort her.

''H-how did this happen...D-dad?'' She asked again.

''I don't know.''

''Okay... How long has he been... D-dead?'' 

''I don't know...'' I replied, crying even more.

''Have you even called an ambulance...or a doctor?'' She asked, pulling away from me in all seriousness. I looked round at Gemma who was still sobbing in Ceallach's arms and she shaked her head slowly.

''No, we haven't.'' I told Stella.

''For god sake dad!'' Stella said angrily, also in a hast as she pulled out her smartphone. ''Yes, Ambulance Please... 2-21 Farady Avenue....'' She said on the phone.

''D-Dad... they're asking for the cause of death...I mean, W-What should I say...?'' Stella asked me, as tears began to roll down her cheeks once more.

''Cot death.'' Gemma suddenly choked out, as saying those words obviously hurt to say. Suddenly it all added up, Jonah's unexplained death... unexplained cot death.

The paramedic rushed into our house just ten minutes later. She took a variety of tests, pulse counts, a much better version of CPR and even shocking.. .but nothing brought our baby back to life. She sighed and turned around slowly back to us.

''I'm very sorry Mr. and Mrs. Cronwell, your son has sadly died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.''

''Noooo...'' Gemma screamed out, breaking down once more, I held her tight as  began to cry a little bit more and behind me, Stella and Ceallach tried their best to hide their many tears.

''We would like to take him to the Infant Ward as soon as possible, is this okay Mr. and Mrs. Cronwell?'' The paramedic asked, paging the crash on her beeper to bring an Ambulance to our house.

Gemma continued to cry heavily and I looked around at everyone, seeing them in tears.

''Y-Yes Doctor, but is it okay if Gemma and I come...?'' I asked.

''Absolutely Mr. Cronwell, again I'm really sorry for your loss... nothing can be compared to loosing a child.''

I nodded and held onto Gemma as her makeup and tears rubbed into my jumper, we followed out our bedroom after the crash team had put Jonah inside a sealed gurney.


Once at morgue, the doctor's put Jonah's little body in a cold room in a little hamper in the middle of the room. Soon after the paramedic who we called led us into his room and we sat on the bench next to the hamper he was in.

''W-Why Robin... W-Why did our baby die?'' Gemma asked me, staring blankly at the hamper as she began to cry.

''Gem no please don't cry...'' I replied, pulling her closer to comfort her again ''...You know, sometimes these things happen, it may of just been fate...'' I added on. She pushed me away suddenly and ran to the hamper he was in.

''Well why did it have to be his fate, out of all the babies in the world robin... H-he chose ours.'' Gemma sobbed so much that I noticed the tears were falling onto Jonah's dead body.

''Oh Gem please don't cry...'' I said from the other side of the room, racing to her side and hugging her once more.

''G-gemma...'' I sniffled up my tears and rubbed my hands through her soft hair ''...We have to try to accept it Gem, he's dead now and we can't bring him back... we just have to try and accept it...''

That very night we stayed in that same position, hugging each other at the side of Jonah's little hamper. Silently praying for him to come back to life...

...but nothing worked.


A little over a week later we somehow managed to plan Jonah's funeral. After the service at the church the burial took place in St. Peter's Cemetery;  after all of the guests, including my parents left, we stayed at the burial to have just a few more hours with Jonah.

The kids were devastated with the death of their little brother, Especially Rose and Ceallach because Ceallach longed for a little brother to play with and Rose also wanted a little sibling, close to her age.

Sniffle after sniffle... tear after tear... hug after hug, nothing healed our losses. An amazing son, a wonderful baby brother and a thrilling new addition to our family.

''I mean why did he have to die.... why our little baby brother...?'' Stella said, sniffling as she stuttered on her words.

''Don't worry Sis, we still have our big brother to take care of us and we know little Jonah is watching us and giggling away at us from baby heaven... he's safe up there.'' Raegan said, comforting Cade. Cade was the more emotional twin, whereas Raegan was more of the responsible, comforting twin. She was always there to help her sister in hard times like this.
The Goodbyes...

''Jonah man, why did you have to die! You were so young, so adorable, and even at just a few weeks old, you were already my favourite brother! I had so much plans for us two to do! I'm going to miss you little brother, for ever and ever.... and oh yeah... mum misses you... So much.'' - Cade.

''I'll just be honest with you little bro, I never wanted mum and dad to have another child. I though it would just put even more stress on them but it actually didn't, it resulted in an awesome little brother like you! What was even better that you were a boy! Having three younger sister isn't the best thing but when you came along you just made everything better! Aw crap, I really need to stop ranting, long story cut short, I really miss you little brother....'' - Stella.

''When mum told she was pregnant with you I was so excited that I was going to have another little brother or sister! And then we she had a little boy, you, my wish came true! I always wanted a little brother to play dolls and tea parties with... who knows you may of actually done it with me! I really miss you little brother.... who am I going to have a tea party with now...?'' - Raegan.

''Mum having you was the best thing to ever happen in my life. Ever since the twins were born after Stella and longed for a little brother and ten years later, it actually came true! I had so much planned for both of us... after University of course. Football clubs, being your mentor and even taking you school once I got a car! Those weeks ago when I saw your lifeless body in your crib... I just couldn't believe my eyes.... my little baby brother... dead. I miss you Jonah, so freaking much, more than you'll ever imagine.'' - Ceallach.

Sunset came that evening and it was coming even closer to night. Closer to us leaving our little baby boy all alone in a cemetery.

The time came when Gemma and I decided to finally say goodbye to our little boy.

''Are you sure you're ready for this Gem?'' I asked her.

''No, but if I don't do it now I'll never be ready.'' She replied, gently sitting down in front of Jonah's grave. ''Join me. Please.'' She said, holding a hand out for me.

''J-Jonah.... It was such a surprise when I found out I was pregnant a sixth time and I honestly thought a sixth baby was a bit mistake... until I gave birth to you. Jonah you were honestly, the most easiest and content baby I've ever had, you were quiet, adorable and my little baby who I quickly grew to love. I-I miss you so much baby boy...'' - Gemma said.

''Jonah... my final child... my little boy... You were so special to all of us, as your birth was unexpected. You were such a little thing, so delicate, so gentle, yet you had so much potential. I'm going to miss you so much little man and just remember one thing, daddy loves you and he can't wait to meet you again in heaven .'' - I said. Gemma broke down again my arms, distraught.

''Jonah please come back, at least for mum... she's so sad without you...'' I heard Stella say behind us... looking up to sky trying to look for any answers.

''I just want my baby back Robin... I-Is that too much to ask God for... my own baby back! He never deserved to die, he was just an defenseless, vulnerable little infant who lost his life in the matter of hours!'' She cried out, tugging on my arms even harder as she cried even more.

''I know Gem, I know...'' I said, cooing her in my arms as she continued to cry heavy tears for hours...


The one person who didn't get to say goodbye to little Jonah was his last big sister, Rose. Although she was only five, she did know what was going on slightly and was really upset to hear her little brother died.

''A-anything you want to say to your little brother Rose...?'' I asked her, sniffling at the same time.

''Yes daddy!'' She walked up to Jonah's grave slowly and I followed behind her.

''Please come back little brother, I miss you so much and mummy and daddy keep on crying because you're dead and it's making every very very sad so please come... so I can be your big sister again!'' She said, before running to my arms and crying softly.

''We all want him back Rosey Pose... we all do.'' I replied to her, crying once again.

''Daddy please don't cry! I don't like to see you and mummy sad!'' She whimpered.

''I'm sorry love, it's just... I-I miss you're little brother so much right now...''

''Well at least you have me daddy, I'll be you're little child!'' She replied, looking up at me with her big green watery eyes.

''Of course you will honey.'' I replied, pulling her in for a tight hug as I cried even more.

''C'mon Rose, let's go home, we can go make some cookies for mummy to make her feel better, okay?''

''Okay daddy!


In loving memory of Jonah Jay Cronwell, whom lived a short, happy life. 

R.I.P - May 2013 - May 2013


I'm sorry guys, again, I'm so damn sorry ; ___ ;

Thank you for reading Chapter 26 of The Cronwell Legacy, I'm really glad you read it even though it's a difficult Chapter to get through :'(

Please comment,

Thanks! :)